4. Life Lessons From The Query Trenches

For how long January felt, February has gone by faster than you can say “what the hell is going on?” When this month ends, I will have waded through the query trenches for two months, and I find myself reflecting on a lot. I have become a well-oiled machine, spending the hours of 8-11 pm most nights researching, querying, and writing, in the hopes of signing with a literary agent. I have gotten emails that make me scream with excitement and feel like my dream is this close. I have opened innocuous-looking emails that make me cry. In the words of Olivia Rodrigo, ‘God, it’s brutal out here.’

My journey this time looks drastically different from my first time querying 18 months ago, and I’m thankful for the life lessons I’ve learned thus far.

Rejection hurts, but it’s inevitable.

Part of being human is putting ourselves in the way of rejection. Going on the Hinge date. Applying for a job. Trying to get pregnant. Reaching out to a new friend. In large quantities, rejection feels all-encompassing and demoralizing. A perspective shift is necessary. After I processed my sadness of my first querying failure, I realized the rejections gave me the gift of growth. I took the feedback and steps to make my book better, to rewrite the story, hire a query coach. And I currently have several exciting possibilities that never would have existed if I hadn’t been willing to take a risk of getting rejected again. Every time you take the chance of being rejected, you open yourself up to the possibility of being accepted. Of falling in love after the date. Getting your dream job. Having a baby. Gaining new friends and community.

A kind word goes a long way.

Holy cow, everyone just needs to be nicer. This process has reminded me that we have no idea what anyone is going through on a daily basis. We are all going through something, because life is hard, and some of us spilled a bunch of food at Trader Joes, just opened an agent rejection, and our child threw up on us again. Reach out to the people you love. Even if it’s just to say, “I’m proud of you. You’re doing great.” On social media, try to stay kind. It’s always worth it.

Everyone is doing their best.

I have been working on having grace and understanding for myself and others. Even as I submitted the worst query letter of all time, that was my best at that moment. I thought I knew what I needed to know. And I could kick myself (and I have) for being ignorant. But I stepped out in courage and took a risk (“yeah, let’s all make fun of the girl who put herself out there creatively”), and that alone is something I would have never dreamed of doing a few years ago. You could beat yourself up for not taking a specific job, getting a certain college degree, or buying a house when interest rates were lower. But how could you have known the future? Make the best decision for yourself with the information you have and give yourself grace to make a change when you discover new information.

Life Lessons from the Query Trenches

Things I’m recently obsessed with:

● Under eye masks before bed

● Portal Tea Co.

● Every Project Hail Mary trailer I can get my hands on!

● 8 pm Goodwill shopping

● Colorful baseball caps

● Writing my new WIP

● Car Karaoke with my kids